The kindness of strangers

3 June 2016

Thank you to the nice man in Woollies who stopped to tell me that he admired my long (paddock) boots (worn on my shopping trip because they are warm and practical) and that they looked hot!! (..I don’t think he was referring to their thermal insulation properties). He then proceeded to ask, unprompted, if I rode horses, and didn’t express surprise when I answered in the affirmative (ok I know the breeches accompanying the boots may have been a give-away – worn because I couldn’t be bothered changing). This unexpected exchange was a boost to my recently dented ageing ego. With this pleasant stranger’s ability to raise the self-esteem of the older person in society, I very much doubt he would be able to get a job with Service NSW – nor as a superannuation adviser.

Note to self: Spend more time at Woollies and less at certain service and advice facilities.

Post script: I am now to be seen swaggering around the paddocks in my boots like a poor imitation of Lara Croft Tomb Raider…the paddock occupants remain singularly unimpressed and just hope this bizarre behaviour won’t result in later meal times. 

I Just Don’t Like Mondays (*chicken sound track provided free of charge)

31 May 2016

That moment when you wake in the morning from a deep and restful slumber (possibly filled with dreams of carrots ) and it dawns on you with growing horror that what confronts you is MONDAY.

Senior moment

27 May 2016

The dwindling self-esteem that accompanies my descent into incredibly old age continues apace. During a meeting with a (young) superannuation adviser (..a pointless exercise, as it turns out I will very likely have to work until I am approximately 97), I explained my (rather expensive) lifestyle included supporting my horses in the manner to which they have become accustomed. At the end of the meeting he politely asked who rode these horses of mine…and almost managed to hide his disbelief when I told it was me. He was clearly under the impression that someone of my advanced years would be incapable of even clambering aboard a horse, let alone embark on steering this long-suffering horse around a dressage arena. I was tempted to show him the video of me and Willo galloping flat out…but thankfully  realised in time that this may just have cemented his view of the unlikelihood of a person of my advanced years having any abilities at all in the equestrian sphere. 

Pink on pink

22 May 2016

The visiting galahs have set out to demonstrate that, similar to bling, you can never have too much pink. Thoroughly convinced by their display, the Joyfallee plovers can be heard enthusiastically engaged in flinging down a new insult from the realms of their rooftop eyrie – “Not pink enough!”. 

Location x3

14 May 2016

Willo’s fears about the motives of his erstwhile egret friend have come to fruition – he is only grateful that the final choice of an above-ground dwelling site was influenced by the colourfulness of the location. 

Friends

13 May 2016

Willo is rather fond of his new paddock chum. She is to be seen in close proximity for most of the daylight hours. He did, however, ask Hildegard to look up the nesting habits of the Cattle Egret in her bird identification App, being a little suspicious that his new mate may be eyeing him off as a handy location for above-ground dwelling. He was less than flattered with the information that the Cattle Egret is often to be found (perhaps unsurprisingly) with cattle. He also found little comfort in the entry on nesting habits which recorded “shallow platform nests in trees and shrubs”. With Willo’s past history of trying to camouflage himself as a tree, for the purposes of avoiding work, he is concerned that he will be mistaken for a perfect nesting site. 

Like diamonds in the sky

10 May 2016

It appears the recent Eta Aquarid sparkly meteor shower was to be viewed from Sydney closer to the ground than originally predicted.

Queen of the Night

8 May 2016

My Pie and Veilchen are a little alarmed at recent events which have seen one of the Joyfallee residents returning inspired from an evening watching the movie Florence Foster Jenkins and attempting operatic gymnastics in the bathroom. They have tried to ward off the auditory assault with high decibel budgie chatter to no avail. They can only hope that the unnamed resident will not decide, Florence FJ-like, to commit the vocal acrobatics to recording for posterity.

Smile – you’re on candid camera

1 May 2016

That heart stopping moment when you discover the paparazzi are filming you in the bath.

Obsession

23 April 2016

The number of rabbit decorations on the Joyfallee all-year-round Christmas tree seems steadily to be increasing. 

Bull market

16 April 2016

With prime above-ground dwelling real estate at Joyfallee at a premium, and bucking the Sydney trend with no sign of the bubble bursting in the near future,  newcomers are becoming increasingly desperate. 

In the land of Brobdingnag

3 April 2016

The range of residents at Joyfallee is becoming increasingly eclectic. The plovers are in awe of how much one of their own has grown and also how much, Pinocchio-like, he must have lied. The chickens are relieved that, to date, he has led a solitary paddock existence and has not sought to camp out in their night quarters – which could see those who sleep on the perches a little cramped, and those who sleep under the perches investing in umbrellas.

Rabbitaholic

25 March 2016

I would like to announce there is no truth to the rumour that I have been seen returning to Bed Bath & Table on more than one occasion to stock up on yet more rabbity paraphernalia from their Easter display. There is also no veracity to the suggestion that the reason for these (alleged) repeat visits is that, due to my excessively advanced years, I am unable to remember previous visits for longer than approximately 30 minutes. (The chocolate coloured rabbit, if memory serves me correctly, is not a recent purchase, but is nonetheless decorative from any angle). 

Photoshop

20 March 2016

Etoile Filante is discovering that the art of taking good chicken selfies is one that requires practice. She has found it especially hard to avoid the appearance of turkey neck. 

Reality bites

3 March 2016

Thank you Service NSW – my loss of self-esteem at your hands is now complete. Following on from the Great Driver’s Licence debacle, which saw me issued with a photo licence that records in devastatingly accurate detail each wrinkle, line and multiple under-eye bags, I ventured back to Service NSW today. My mission was to purchase a new, shiny Opal card. I entered, confident in the knowledge that no cameras and images recorded for posterity would be involved. I was greeted by a friendly, smiling Service NSW lady, who enquired how she could help me. I replied I wanted an Opal card. Quick as a flash she was ready with her next helpful question “Adult or Senior?”….I valiantly tried to keep a smile as I responded with a subdued “Adult”, and hoped I was only imagining an expression of incredulity that appeared to flicker across her face. 

Bunny branding bias

27 February 2016 

As the long-term self-appointed CEO at Joyfallee, Chocolate Bunny decided the branding needs updating and determined that all things Bunny should be the order of the day. He has unfortunately been heavily influenced by public service departments, where branding and logos, with their accompanying War and Peace sized style guides, seem to change at approximately weekly intervals. Choccy examined and approved the latest bunny motif which is to be incorporated on all Joyfallee crockery forthwith. He does admit to becoming a little distracted, and ultimately swayed in his choice of logo, by the discovery of rolled oats in the demonstration model. 

Episode 2: Driver’s licence renewal for the elderly

17 February 2016

Having come to terms with the fact that my incredible age renders me ineligible for a 10 year driver’s licence, I venture into Services NSW to complete the (rather short 5 year) renewal. The quick and friendly service are an unexpected joy. It is only at the picture taking stage that the cold hand of reality taps on my shoulder. When I wittily quip to the helpful service person that I hope he has taken a good picture (this is probably the 305^th time he has heard this today, but he retains his composure and smile) he assures me that it is and offers to show me on the screen. The face that greets me surely belongs to 1. A serial killer and  2. A person of such advanced age that they couldn’t be trusted to live much beyond 6 months…leaving me reluctantly to agree with the policy of 5 year maximum licence. If I manage, against the odds, to survive to the next licence renewal, I might ask if it’s possible to have the ID picture taken while wearing very large and very dark glasses.. and possibly a paper bag.

Advanced years

16 February 2016

Filling out my driver's licence renewal and see that the 10 year option that I was going to take up is only available for sprightly folk under 44 years of age......sigh....feeling very old.

Yes, it would appear that, according to Roads and Maritime, the likelihood of living, or being capable of driving, past 54 is questionable at best. The questions about riding offences also had me a little confused about the correct answers because, if my dressage scores are anything to go by, I am a serial offender, and probably should not be issued with a licence of any kind. Off now to check out deals on local nursing homes that will accept the odd house rabbit and exceptionally large 4 legged friends, and exceptionally feathery two legged ones.

Confessions

9 February 2016

My name is Nettie and I am a rabbitaholic.

Bling

7 February 2016

Etoile Filante and Milky Way are doing their best to brighten up the paddocks with their sparkliness and all-round chicken gorgeousness. They seem to be doing pretty well at this, which goes some way to make up for a less stunning performance in the egg laying arena. 

Straya Day

24 January 2016

The Veggie Garden Burrower is taking the opportunity to have an extended long weekend in celebration of Australia Day. Getting into the holiday mood she is settling down for an afternoon rest, in preparation for an evening of partying hard. She’s hoping to be able to indulge in some favourite games like Excavate the Vegetable Garden Until it Looks Like a Construction Site (she is quite good at this one), and hopes the cockatoos will enter into the spirit with a raucous chorus from the sidelines of “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Dig, Dig, Dig!”.

Bonne année

3 January 2016

The cockatoos convened a round-table (or more accurately round-pool) meeting to discuss their New Year’s resolutions. The consensus was:

1. Resolve to eat more from the bird feeding tray.

2. Step up the training of the Bird Feeding Tray Replenisher via negative reinforcement – ie chew the nearby wooden window frames every time the feeding tray has failed to be replenished within 30.5 seconds of it being emptied.

Although it is only day 3, they are sticking to their resolutions remarkably well. They are suitably impressed with their own abilities…the Bird Feeding Tray Replenisher is less enthused about their progress. 

Equestrian pursuits

28 December 2015

With the emphasis on dressage at Joyfallee, Chocolate Bunny, being a team player from way back, has decided to join in. As a novice he is, sensibly, taking up all things equestrian in small increments, starting by practising balancing as close to terra firma as possible.  

O Tannenbaum

13 December 2015

Etoile Filante attempts her best feathery impression of the oh-so-lovely Christmas tree, which came direct from the house of Pallets with APeel. 

Have car, will (or possibly won't) travel

4 December 2015

Community Service Public Warning: Doing battle with solid objects in parking stations is unlikely to end well and should be avoided.

I didn’t take too much notice of the crunching sound of my car’s bumper panel scraping on the concrete bollard stopper thing at the end of the parking space when I parked my car in the morning( I have heard this noise on more than one occasion in the past – what could possibly be a problem?). On leaving in the afternoon, it took me a couple of rounds of the parking station, descending the levels, to work out that the rattly, scraping noises accompanying my descent really required me to stop and investigate the source. Diagnosis, even for the mechanically challenged, was obvious – a front bumper panel half detached and dragging on the ground. Score: Me – 0, Concrete bollard stopper thing – 1.

Summoning all my mechanical skills (read “non-existent”) I worked out that: 1. My car was not driveable in this state  2. I needed either to remove the offending panel (I couldn’t) or reaffix it to where it was supposed to be (I couldn’t). Note to self – put stash of baling twine back into boot (which I had, uncharacteristically and in contravention of almost every other facet of my existence, cleaned out).

Summoning all my problem-solving skills (read “level slightly above non-existent”) I phoned the NRMA. On explaining the situation to the operator, she helpfully suggested I get a tow truck. Summoning all my diplomatic skills (the levels are dropping again here) I helpfully suggested that this sounded excessive, and sending around a nice NRMA person might be more appropriate to the situation. After the requisite hour of penance, the extremely nice NRMA man arrived. My initial disappointment that he didn’t come complete with stashes of baling twine was quickly replaced with gratitude when he produced his cache of cable ties. In my defence, it seems this was not the first bumper-bar-in-car-park malfunction that he had attended. Cable ties in place, I was able to drive home, with only the occasional scraping-on-the-ground sound, and very cautious traversing of those speed humps that I usually largely ignore in favour of a normal acceleration rate.

Once home I did add some baling twine to the cable tie arrangement, for extra strength as well as aesthetic value. Though it was tempting to adopt this as a permanent arrangement, good sense prevailed (for the first time in this saga), and I phoned the insurance company. Three phone calls and a total of 2 hours on hold resulted in a deep and abiding aversion to the jaunty whistling GIO theme tune, interrupted at about 5 second intervals by the pleasant-sounding, but increasingly annoying, assurances of the recorded voice, telling me that my call would be answered by the first available operator….it would seem that GIO has only one operator for the greater Asia-Pacific. The effect of this cruel and unusual treatment is, I imagine, something akin to water torture, and had me yearning for any alternative aural input, such as the call of the Wonga pigeon.

The good news is that my car is now ensconced at the car doctor being repaired. I only hope they can tell that the current “paddock brown” colour of my car is not the colour to which they should be matching the new bumper…. and if it turns out that they wash the car, the $650 insurance excess will have been money well spent (the previous wash coinciding somewhat coincidentally with the last smash repair). 

XXL

21 November 2015

The chickens at Joyfallee may have indulged in one too many McMuffins, and are now coming in supersize. 

Unmasked

13 November 2015

Hildegard has been the recipient of numerous excited and lengthy monologues delivered regularly by Chocolate Bunny. In order to escape she has used the excuse that she has to go and moult on so many occasions she felt she needed, for the sake of authenticity, to follow through. This has resulted in the loss of her pom-pom coif, allowing her to enjoy a whole new, unimpeded view of the world, brought direct to her eyes in glorious, unobstructed technicolour.

                         

There has, however, been a downside to her feather-deficient state. The spotty chickens had, to date, been under the impression that Hildegard was a random floating piece of black fairy floss, and largely ignored her. Having been revealed as something resembling a chicken, Milky Way and Etoile Filante have reneged slightly on their chicken commune values, taking on more of an Animal Farm view that “All chickens are equal but some chickens are more equal than others”… to Hildegard’s detriment as the subject of well-aimed pecks. Being familiar with Orwell’s writing, Hildegard is well aware that it was not all smooth sailing for many of the Animal Farm inhabitants – and is hoping that her feathery disguise doesn’t take too long to return.